The "I wanna be a SAHM" Blues

At certain times of the year I feel as though my heart gets a little heavier each time I leave the house in the morning, drive 45 minutes to work, and sit at a desk... surrounded by photos of my sunshine... counting down the minutes till I can go home and be with her. The worst part is, by the time I get through the day and the 45 minutes driving home, I am exhausted by the time I get through the door and then I have to quickly figure out what I'm going to make for dinner. Usually my sweet girl is a fussy, tired, missed her Mommy all day, kind of girl that follows me around the kitchen either crying "EAT?!?" or "Momma, come" as she grabs my hand and tries to drag me to go play with her. Add the frustrations of the day to my exhaustion, and then the lingering thoughts of awaiting homework that I must get done, and I become a very unhappy person that can barely stop to enjoy the limited time I have left in the day to spend with my sunshine.

When I first went back to work after having Audrey, I cried at least once per week for months after I would leave work. I would add up all the hours that I missed being with her, hearing her new little sounds, seeing her sweet smiles, and sharing endless, wonderful staring contests that I almost never lost. I talked to multiple sales people, skilled at roping in sad, desperate new moms into their ridiculous pyramid schemes. I also thought of all the different things I could make and sell... but then realized all the money I was spending trying to make the things that I probably wouldn't be able to sell because there are probably hundreds of other desperate moms out there making the same types of little flower clips and bows. I don't have the types of business skills to go very far with that.

Thanks to the amazing weather we have been recently blessed with out in the midwest, all I want to do it be outside playing with my daughter. Instead I am stuck in front of two computer monitors in front of me, a large touch screen tv on the wall behind me showing lovely pictures of spring flowers and vacation destinations, a hallway of elevators to my right, and a glass wall to my left... completely disconnected from the beautiful outdoors and 45 minutes away from my sunshine.

In less than two weeks now, my baby girl will be starting her first school experience at a daycare only a few minutes from my office building. Because of how excited she has been recently about learning and asking a million times per day "what's that?", I'm really looking forward to her soaking up all the knowledge she has been craving. I'm hoping that it will somewhat calm my "Blues". If anything, at least she will now be with me on my 45 minute commutes everyday, talking to me and asking me at least a dozen times, "Momma, what's that?" and I simply can't wait!
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Health Scares and Solar Flares

If I didn't know any better, I would think that the solar flares last week had some awful, crazy effect on many people I love. Is it some strange coincidence? Not sure...

On Sunday I gave my Grandmother (Meme) a call to catch up. After chit-chatting for a few minutes about random things, she decided to let me know that my Grandpa had been in the hospital a few nights before that. I could hear him talking and laughing in the background as we were chatting, so I knew he was ok, but everything she told me was pretty scary and had come out of nowhere and doctors don't even know for sure what was wrong. All I know is, I'm glad he's ok.

Also on Sunday, I received a text from one of my best friends to let me know she had had a seizure the night before and had been taken to the hospital. She has had a form of Epilepsy since she was about 18 or so, but she hasn't suffered a seizure in probably around three years... and suddenly one came out of nowhere on Saturday night. I say that it came out of nowhere because she normally knows or at least has an idea it's coming and hopes to prevent it since she becomes very tired and ill feeling. She felt completely fine that night up until about 30 minutes before. The good news... she has officially decided that the paramedic that took care of her the most is actually her soul mate... and in the process of trying to find out how she can get his info. Isn't she just the cutest thing!?! "I was in the ambulance and they had the siren on and cars were actually moving out of the way, it was crazy, but I'm pretty sure I didn't see a ring on the paramedics finger!" Love her!

THEN... on Monday I was greeted on Facebook with a status update from my good friend out in California that said she fell 20ft and basically broken. After a few frantic calls and messages sent to her friend that was with her, I found out that she had fallen 20 feet (on to concrete! eek!) off a Bunker near the Golden Gate Bridge and broke her leg, her pelvis, and her arm, and had to have surgery to repair her pelvis. I was relieved that she was ok and hadn't hit her head! She had been modeling quite a bit the last few years, in music videos, magazines and was about to take a trip to Italy and be in a couple more music videos... now she is instead going to be stuck in a wheel chair for the next few months and hopefully she will be completely healed within a year.

... All in one weekend? What's up with those Solar Flares?

Daycare Update!

I am overjoyed to announce... I FOUND AN AWESOME DAYCARE FOR MY SUNSHINE!!!! And, it's only 3 minutes from work! This place is better than any daycare I've seen during the last two years that I've been randomly looking, and actually more than I ever could have dreamed of for Audrey!

• high tech security systems with two codes, one to get in the door, and one to log her in and out, and each person has to have their own codes so they have record of who dropped her off and picked her up on any given day.
• Multiple activity rooms: drama/dancing, art, language/literacy, science, and a little library area!
• Separate outdoor play areas for different age groups, the two year old's have their own HUGE play area with two playgrounds! (with grass)
• They DO NOT take the kids on walks outside of the center as MANY places do.
• the place is warm and bright and inviting!
• Awesome curriculum and structure each and every day
• They involve the parents in as much as possible to share anything and everything that they are teaching the kids, example: cd of songs they are currently learning
  
• They put on little shows every few months, and even the staff and teachers will put on their own show to make the kids and parents laugh...
• The staff and teachers were so nice and talkative and knowledgeable!
• They create portfolios for each child, highlighting events, skills, accomplishments, pieces of artwork, and includes photos of the child throughout their different activities. They use these for parent-teacher conferences that they have often, and then they give them to the parents once the child moves on to attend another school or whatever.
• The like involved parents, the ones that pick up their kids and want to know everything that the child did that day... yup, they like those kinds of parents.. YAY!
• They have room to grow there, rooms that aren't even in use yet but ready for when the school/daycare expands and gets more kids.
• Each room has a little fish tank with gold fish, Audrey LOVES "fishies"!
  
• IT'S SO NICE!!!

We are bringing my sweet girl over there next week to check it out and I simply can't wait, she is going to love it! It is absolutely perfect for her! While it is definitely not the cheapest place I've seen, it is cheaper than some that aren't even half as nice as this place is. My baby is growing up... this will be her first little "school"... Discovery Preschool.

Fetish Friday!

I LOVE FLOWERS!

Ok, I must admit, despite the fact that we have had a pretty mild winter here in the mid-west, I AM SO EXCITED FOR SPRING TO COME!!! I am a warm weather, green leafy trees, birds singing, flowers everywhere... kind of person! Winter always looks so gray and depressing, so when Spring comes, and everything starts to turn green again, and flowers are blooming in the trees and on the ground... I literally get giddy, it's really quite ridiculous to tell the truth. It makes me want to jump around squealing like a 13 year old with her first crush! So, in hopes that Spring will come very soon, I'm sharing some gorgeous flower pics!
...Starting with my absolute favorite flower, the Stargazer Lily!

(I wish I could take credit for these photos, but I cannot. Click on any photo to find the original.)

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Daycare Dilemmas

Mommy venting session approaching...

I am a working mom and I REALLY wish I wasn't. Oh, to be able to stay home and do lots of fun things with my sunshine all day, every day, would be a dream. Unfortunately, I must instead leave her with someone else during the day. Since she was about six months old she has been with the same person, in a home environment, with the lady's daughter who is eight months older than Audrey. We are getting ready to move closer to my job so I don't have to deal with the stress of a 45 minute commute full of crazy drivers each way every single seemingly endless day. We are also wanting to get Audrey ready for a more structured, school like setting, with more kids to interact with. But, trying to choose a place near my work is becoming quite a panic inducing experience. Which strangers should I leave my "heart" with? A few of these places will cost almost my entire salary! Others are only a little more than half. Some have more structure and schedules than others. I know it's a bad sign when the thought of leaving my sweet girl at a specific place makes me cry!

In a little over an hour I will be taking a tour at the Daycare with the exact same name as the one that was awful to me as a child. I'm hopeful that all the good things I've heard about this chain are true. The Assistant Director's name is Sunny, and I want to believe that is a sign that this may be the place for my sunshine.

My husband and I went on a tour on Monday and, well, I'll just post what I sent out to the facebook universe:

So, i cant help but lay here thinking about the daycare we saw today compared to others in the past. This one is family owned, with woodchips on the playground, much smaller room for 2yr olds, 8 kids to a teacher, they go on walks around the neighborhood, everything looks a bit more tattered, but they are willing to give us a great rate for fulltime care, its a learning daycare and we witnessed that most of the kids in the 2 room know their letters and numbers, and how to spell their names, they have cameras everywhere so I can, theoretically, watch Audrey all day long if I wanted, and Joe pointed out that every kid we saw looked very happy there... And I did witness Audrey exploring, watching, and really enjoying herself and wanting to join in. But, my mommy mind keeps going to the negatives. Most other daycares will charge us at least $60 more per week, and there are no cameras. UGH!!! I don't want this decision!

I keep thinking about little things, like how Audrey picked up an outlet plug cover that had been in the middle of the floor, open staples hanging from the folder the Director was pulling example menus and daily sheets for me to see, some of the toys were dirty, the room is so small I am still trying to figure out how they manage to fit 16 cots in there for nap time, and minimal structure and schedule.

I have to believe I will find something. She would be at this daycare slightly longer than the time I am at my job every week, and I feel like I practically live there I'm there so much... so the same would basically go for Audrey's daycare for her. With so many things in the news about children being hurt, duct taped to chairs or walls, or even killed, I am really nervous about knowing which one is the right place. I wish I enjoyed taking care of other people's kids, then I could just stay home.

Wish me luck...

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Fetish Friday! - Children's Books

I had quite a lot of favorite books as a child, and it's so much fun having a toddler now so I am able to read them all again... with an audience. I've said for quite a while... it's nice to be able to read kids books and play on the playground without looking like a weirdo or needing a few excuses waiting in my back pocket! Mark another notch on the "Why it's AWESOME to be a Mom" board!

Had to have been one of my all-time favorites... scratch and sniff... strawberry pie was awesome!

I could read this book for hours!

Fetish Friday... PINTEREST!

Well, isn't it convenient that the day I come back to my poor, lonely, forgotten blog... it just happens to be Fetish Friday!!! For today I feel the need to share my fetish over Pinterest! How wonderful is this site... seriously??!!!

DIY fun crafts! Like This

Amazing Recipes like this one!

Wonderful thoughts and messages to share!

And who doesn't love some awesome beauty and hair tips?!?

While this week's fetish friday post is rather short... you really don't want me to start posting ALL of the great things I've pinned... do you? (26 Boards, 718 pins, 141 likes... and growing)